Hmm .. the start of something. I'm just not sure what yet.

It's never been my thing to blog. I love to talk on the phone, chat in person and even write the occasional lengthy e-mail. But blogging? It has never occurred to me. Until about 50 seconds ago. In the past, I've read some of my friends' blogs, I've been entertained by strangers' blogs, and now, here I am.

Actually, where I am is a story in itself. I'm sitting at a desk that is not mine, in an office that is not my own, and in a department I don't belong to. How then is it that I feel more comfortable and productive here than in my own lab?

After two and a half years enrolled in a graduate program at one of the most prestigious universities in Canada, I feel like I have wasted my life. Correction: that I am wasting my life. I have six months to complete this thesis and cram what should have been two years of research into 100 pages of glorified BS; all of which I could care less about in this moment. Three years ago I graduated with honours from a Bachelor of Science program, spent the summer studying Spanish abroad, and started a Masters degree a few months later. Only to find myself, roughly 10 minutes ago, searching for a website to send me daily encouragements and inspirational quotes. And even at that I failed. I think I've hit the bottom.

How does one go from being on top of the world, full of goals and dreams, with aspirations for the future, to blogging about their self-pity? Hmmm. Good question. I could go through all my trials and tribulations of the past three years, but I'd prefer to start fresh. I've spent a great deal of time complaining and quite frankly .. I'm sick of it. And I know everyone I talk to is sick of it. Every time I reiterate the story of how I got here (here being this strange office), I catch myself thinking about how I have become that type of person I dislike. The unhappy person who doesn't change what is making them unhappy, but rather complains about it incessantly. Now to be fair, I have tried. I changed supervisors and projects, apartments, and even friends. But this time I'm going to change attitudes.

So why did I feel the need to blog? Well, it is a way to get my thoughts out of my head. In the past, one would use a diary or journal, but we are, after all, in a digital age. I also think it makes those thoughts real. Writing, typing or posting them makes them tangible. (Haha. Tangible. I misdefined that word on an intelligence test once and ever since it has made its way into my vocabulary.) I would also like to believe that I am not the only person who feels as though they are searching for their place in the world. Perhaps blogging about my experiences can help someone else. And that might be the most satisfying of all the possible reasons. But above all, I think I just need an alternative outlet for all of the crap that seems to be floating around my head. Plus I'm trying to save all of the amazing friendships that have put up with me this long.

Well then .. here is to blogging and changing. Here is to taking control.

Alright ... my first post. Here I go ...