Has it really been two years?

Well, I am officially one week away from submitting my thesis. Or at least, exactly 7 days from now the offices will be closed for Christmas and if my thesis is not in their hands, then I'm in big trouble. How is it that it's not really comforting to know that in one week the hell that has been this writing process, ney, this entire process, will be over? I just went to get a signature from the program coordinator, who is also my mentor, to allow me to submit my thesis and she was all smiles. Two years ago, she says, I remember you here in my office crying because you weren't happy and you wanted to change supervisors. Now look at you! You did it, in just two years! Well, I reply, if you pluck the right string I'd come full circle and be crying in your office again. - How is it that after two years I don't feel like I'm any further along with my life, that I'm no happier and just older?

Ask just about anyone with a Masters or PhD and they'll tell you one of the hardest things, or even one of the worst things, they ever did was write a thesis. Why is it that we subject ourselves to this ridiculous process of demoralizing, discouraging, rat race treatment, and for what? I don't even want to do research for a career! Why did I feel the need to continue and get my Masters when two years ago I was unhappy? When you don't know what you want to do in life, is it worth sticking on a path that you know isn't right, but at least you are on one? All evidence in my case points to the contrary.

I realize that the timing of all of these hyperphilosophical questions is really only just a product of my current thesis-saturated state of being. But in all honesty, I probably should have done some soul searching two years ago before I restarted my Masters. I thought changing one situation would improve everything and it really didn't. If I had to pick one word for my entire experience here it would be disappointing. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason, but I have really yet to find that reason. Perhaps I just need some perspective on the situation and once I am not in the thick of it, as mentioned in my last post, I'll be able to find some humour in this. Really, all I think I've learned is don't go to University. Go to college or tradeschool. Come out with a useful degree in something you like and start working. That way you not only start building up respect in your field and your bank account, but when you are 25 you won't turn around and say 'well, that was a waste of 3 years, when should I start my next Masters?'